Hey guys,
I want to talk about something tonight. The topic? Depression. Suicide. How to deal with someone who self-harms.
I’ve been digging my nails into my skin for four years now. I pull hair out of nervous habit, and I bite.
Tonight, I drank too much. I lashed out at people who I love. i don’t even remember why now, I realize. I ran away from people. I scared people tonight. I walked on ledges, because that is what I do, but people noticed tonight.
Honestly, I’m not completely sober, and so I can’t completely make my thoughts coherent. But I do want to make this clear:
I love you. I love each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. My heart breaks for you when you make mistakes and my heart breaks when I make mistakes. My heart is broken a lot.
It makes me say things that I don’t always mean.
You have to understand how hard it is for me to fight sometimes and that, sometimes, I really want to give up. But you also have to understand, I will never stop fighting. I love you too much to let go. I’ve been fighting for too long to not keep holding on. And, above all, I love life and everything that it has to offer. The good, bad, and the ugly. Whatever I say, I wouldn’t trade it for everything.
